“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens” (Ecclesiastes 3:1, NIV).
I am beginning to understand that Life is full of seasons. Just like the calendar year, we all have not just days, but seasons of struggle and peace, stormy clouds and sunshine. Right now, it’s kinda rainy over here. Hubby has been working long hours with lots of homework every evening, my floor is losing more nurses than are being replaced without a decrease in patient acuity, and Cole is finding his independence (as evidenced by the pictures) and beginning to go through separation anxiety.
During these cloudy days – when the tunnel doesn’t seem to end – it’s so easy to give in and listen to Satan’s negative thoughts. “This is never going to end.” “How will I survive the next 3 years of this?” “It’s going to get worse when Hubby goes away to PA school, and then I’ll have to survive for 2 whole years.” “I just want to give up.” “Oh Lord, why can’t I be a stay at home mom?? It would be so much easier!!”
Yes, life is challenging right now. I’m not gonna lie – it kinda sucks. But, my husband is faithful in reminding me that he loves me, he is proud of me, and that we have a loving God who always provides for His children.
Despite the clouds, there are sliver linings. Though it is difficult to take a difficult 50-question test on cardiac and pulmonary pathophysiology or write a 3 page paper on the pathophys of Reye Syndrome with my little one that is (literally) pulling on me, I love how Cole just wants to be with me. I will put him in his room with some of his toys and his folded up playpen blocking the door in hopes of containing him long enough for me to fix some lunch or read one more disease process, but not 2 minutes later I see his fluffy little head poking around the corner, smiling up at me. It’s hard when I really just have to get something done and he is demanding my attention, but I really do love how much he loves just being near me.
And yes, the lack of spending any time with my husband is really starting to get to me. It’s not so much the fact that we rarely go on dates with just the two of us – it’s more the fact that we will sometimes eat dinner together, but that’s all the time we have because one or both of us has school we need to accomplish. Our evenings together are already limited because of how much I’ve been working lately. And yet when we do get to spend a couple hours together (without Little Man), those hours are precious and make the time together that much sweeter.
The silver lining with work is that I have survived my first year of med-surg! While I greatly appreciate all the skills I have learned – and am continuing to learn! – I am ready to move on. I believe every nurse has their niche, something they just absolutely love! Geriatrics is not my niche. It never has been, and I doubt it ever will be. I absolutely loved my maternity rotation in school, and I work really well with kids. So, I have put in transfer requests for both specialties; the Pediatric floor, Pediatric ER, L&D (my first choice!!), Antepartum, Post-partum… I’m desperately hoping and praying that I will get a call back for any of those positions. If the Lord wants me to stay on 2 North for a little longer, than He will keep the door closed. But either way, I will continue to pray, “Not my will, but Thy will be done!”
One final thought. I came across this quote from a friend on Facebook: “Wherever you are, know that God has put you there for a reason.”