How to break a mommy’s heart…

Listen to your sick baby cry, knowing there is nothing you can do to fix it. 😦

Little Man has been battling something for almost 3 weeks. Copious amounts of nasal drainage, but no cough. Given the amount of pollen that came out of nowhere, my guess was either allergies or a  spring cold. A trip to the doctor last week confirmed my thoughts – no fever, no lung, ear, or throat issues. Probably allergies.

Then came the cough. No more snot, but he kept this dry, non-productive cough. Being the over-protective mom that I am when it comes to any sickness, I kept an ear on his lungs. Still clear.

Little Man’s first breathing treatment – he was such a trooper!

Then yesterday, he spiked a temp of 101.5 as soon as we got home from Caroline County (he had spent the night with Nana while I worked). And sure enough, he had obvious coarseness lung sounds. For non-medical peeps, that’s not good. So my husband puts up with a very sleepy wife (who only got about 4 hours of sleep) and drives our little gang to KidMed, which is a wonderful after hours pediatric urgent care center.  The diagnosis: fever, chronic rhinitis (runny nose, usually caused by allergies), and “reactive airway disease” aka asthma. Yup, called that one!

And here come the tears… Little Man tried fooling Mommy into thinking he took a brief nap today, but his pink eyelids told a different story. See, with his fair skin, his eyelids turn pink when he gets sleepy, even if he is happily playing with his toys. When he is really sleepy, they turn a deep pink/reddish.  This is how I can tell if he truly napped or not.  Today, he didn’t.  And he had been up until 11pm the night before at KidMed. So naturally, the poor boy was exhausted.  After another trip to the doctor for another breathing treatment just before they closed, we came home to for dinner and bed.  That is when my normally easy-going, lay-me-down-and-I-go-right-to-sleep boy decided he would only fall asleep in Mommy’s arms.  Seriously – I would rock him for less than 2 minutes, and he would be passed out.  Again, not normal.  He never let me rock him, even when he was a newborn!  But, as soon as I laid him down in his crib, he would startle awake and start bawling his little eyes out.

As a nurse, I didn’t know exactly what was going on with my son, but I knew he needed an albuterol nebulizer treatment to open his lungs.  I recognized he wasn’t in any respiratory distress, which was a relief.  Overall, I wasn’t scared.  I did question my judgement in whether he needed to see the doctor right away or not, but my mommy instincts of “better safe than sorry” won the day.  As a mom, I am relieved that this is potentially “only asthma”.  I have been helping with breathing treatments since my little brother needed them when I was 7 years old.  I have it, half my family has it; I am familiar with it.  What is really hard is seeing my little baby so sick he won’t sleep.  I cherish his little snuggles, and how he just wants to be with and held by Mommy.  I loved rocking him to sleep, but I realize that is not the best place for him.  He needs his bed, and right now that is the last place he wants to be.  I just pray that the meds kick in soon and he is on the way to a speedy recovery!

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