Hello, Full-Term August! 🙂 That’s right. As of today, Baby Thunder has been in utero 38 weeks.
And I am done.
For me, the end of this pregnancy feels similar to the five stages of grief: As I entered weeks 35-37, I was in complete denial (stage 1). The fact that I could go into labor at any time and the doctors wouldn’t try to stop it did not motivate me to even consider packing a hospital bag… Despite the fact that I started progressing at 35 weeks! Anger is Stage 2, and I am occasionally reverting back to this stage. Last week, when I found out that I was a lot farther along than I thought (or planned), my OB told me to try and enjoy these last few weeks. Excuse me??!!? I spend half my days exhausted and nauseated and my 2 year old has decided that no matter how tired he is, he just isn’t tired enough to go to sleep at nap time. Which means he acts out a whole lot more than usual (more screaming tantrums, blatant disobedience, attempting to hit or kick me, more attempts at deception), and I am not exactly moving in top form these days. Contractions are getting more painful, and I’m easily irritated. Exactly how am I supposed to enjoy this stage??? Stage 3 is bargaining. This is where everyone who has ever been pregnant comes in. “Well, maybe if you walk a lot, the baby will come this weekend!” So I try it, with no results except my rings become uncomfortably tight. Red raspberry leaf tea? I drink a quart of it a day. Yoga? Well, that does help my mood, so I keep at it every Monday morning. 🙂 Stage 4 – depression – is where I find myself most days. To be so close to the end, and yet feel so far away, is very discouraging. Yes, I do feel that I am going to be pregnant f.o.r.e.v.e.r! And nothing seems to help make that nagging, overwhelming suspicion any better.
I’m still waiting to approach Stage 5 – acceptance. This stage is achievable at the end of pregnancy. On June 8, 2012, I sent my mom a text message that said, “I’m convinced – labor is a myth.” Cole was born less than 24 hours later. I’m not really sure if or when I will reach this stage, but I will continue to practice my yoga breathing and mindset that this is where my body is right now – and that’s okay.
This too shall pass… at some point.
In the mean time, my freezer is fully stocked with everything I think the future, postpartum, nursing Caty could need or want. I’ve said “farewell until December” to nearly all of my patients. My house is quite clean, the laundry is entirely caught up, and yes, my hospital bag is packed (much to the relief of some of my coworkers). 🙂 Hopefully my OB can convince me tomorrow that the end is indeed within sight. 🙂