We have now been Colorado residents for 4 weeks. It’s crazy to think that it has been such a short time and already it feels like home. I am amazed every day at the beauty of this place. The expansive deep blue sky, the open rolling plains, the tall brown mountains framing the western sky, the intense warm sunshine… I feel such contentment here. Of course, the transition has been hard – even painful at times. I have still had bouts of anxiety and depression, though it isn’t as constant as it was in Ohio. I still struggle with feeling lonely during the week when David is gone. But I have met some truly wonderful people here that have just been so welcoming and encouraging that my heart is full. Several moms who have opened their hearts and revealed that life is not as perfect as it may seem.
Would I have been as encouraged if I had not been through some of the superficial of last year? Would I be able to appreciate the beauty that surrounds me if I had not first lived for 12 months and 3 days in cloudy Ohio? Does the grief of the last year make me more open towards others?
The last year was so hard, on so many levels. That season of life felt like going through fire. It was almost constantly painful, but it also gave me the opportunity for growth in many areas. Why is growth so painful?! “The crucible is for silver, and the furnace is for gold, and the LORD tests hearts.” (Proverbs 17:3) I had to learn to get over myself when I was placed where I did not want to be. I had to cling to my faith when it felt like the world was ending. I learned to grieve. I learned what it felt like to be lonely. I learned how to make friends. I learned the importance of boundaries, and how to set them. I cannot say I was ever content with living in Ohio, but I learned to accept God’s Will. I learned how to ask for help.
I feel like the season of fire is ending. I don’t know when the next fiery season will start, for I’m certain it will come again. But for right here, right now – I will give thanks to my loving heavenly Father who has rained down blessings on me and my family here in Colorado. Everything from the sunshine and 90+ degree days (Hallelujah!!!) to the smooth closing on our beautiful (first) home; from the wonderful godly women I’ve met to my husband being home more; from the awesome babysitter next door to the peace and rest that resides in my heart when I consider this place as our new home. I am grateful for what I’ve gone through because I think it makes me recognize and appreciate these blessings even more. I hope that I will continue to grow through healing.
And I still have to learn how to apply sunscreen.