Patience is (still) a virtue

We’ve all heard that saying before, usually from a parent: Patience is a virtue.

I resented that as a child.

I still resent that.

I don’t know if it’s because I’m a millennial or because I’m sinful human, but I want what I want when I want it, which is right now thank you very much!  Being patient means I can’t have what I want, or I can’t have it when I want it.  Sometimes that’s a good thing!  But more often than not, it’s uncomfortable.

I think part of why patience is so uncomfortable is because it involves a lot of waiting, not being certain of the outcome, and fighting to remain hopeful.  My first taste of long-suffering patience was my pregnancy with Little Man.  I was so physically miserable that I was practically begging him to be born as soon as possible.  “After all, NICU is technologically advanced that at this point, he will be fine!” I reasoned with myself, fully confident and deluded.  But in God’s timing, Little Man was born perfectly healthy 4 days before his due date.  That pregnancy taught me a lot about patience.  But now, I am having to be patient with what’s going on with my health.

Waiting on test results…
Waiting for my next appointment…
Waiting for new medications to take effect…
Waiting to feel better….

Not being certain that this new doctor will have anything helpful to say…
Not being certain that the medication will help…
Not being certain that I will get an answer that I want…

Fighting to remain hopeful that all this will eventually be managed…
Fighting to remain hopeful that I will be able to have full energy again…

When life is easy, it is almost effortless to have faith and be patient.  But when the rosy glasses come off, it is a lot harder to have the staying power of faith and patience while waiting for the outcome.  But of this, I am sure:

That I am not my own, but belong with body and soul, both in life and in death, to my faithful Savior Jesus Christ.  He has fully paid for all my sins with his precious blood, and has set me free from all the power of the devil. He also preserves me in such a way that without the will of my heavenly Father not a hair can fall from my head; indeed, all things must work together for my salvation. Therefore, by his Holy Spirit he also assures me of eternal life and makes me heartily willing and ready from now on to live for him.  Heidelburg Catechism Question 1

Life is not easy.
Being sick is not easy.
Being sick with two small children and a husband who travels every week is not easy.
But I have a great doctor, an amazingly supportive church family, and a gracious husband and children.

It’s not that every cloud has a silver lining; it is choosing joy even when I don’t feel like it.

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